Stress - Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn - Which is YOUR go-to response?
Inherited from our ancestors, the response to stress is hard-wired into our biology and has been crucial for keeping human beings alive since we arrived on this planet. When a physical threat is sensed a message is sent from your body to your brain. Your brain then releases a surge of adrenaline and the stress hormone, cortisol - muscles tense and sweat increases signaling that it was time to RUN. The primitive response to stress was intended to be temporary, meant to increase blood flow and stamina to get you to safety in a life threatening situation. Back at the cave, away from the threat of the sabertooth tiger you would shake it off, tell your story to your clan and everyone would dance and celebrate your heroic escape and your body would return to its regulated, safe state.
Flash Forward
There are four known stress responses - Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. These stress responses happen naturally without the threat of a charging animal. These days, stress can be triggered by a variety of seemingly harmless elements in our day to day life.
You might, for example:
Argue with a co-worker treating you unfairly
Flee from the path of a car running a red light
Freeze when you hear an unexpected noise in the dark
Keep quiet about how you really feel to avoid starting a fight
While these are natural responses and it’s perfectly conceivable to experience any or all of the responses at a given time, it’s also possible to have an overactive stress response. In a nutshell, this means day-to-day occurrences and events most people don’t find threatening can trigger your go-to stress response, whether that’s fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This steady stream of stress hormones, without the ability to release them will wreak havoc on your nervous system and overall physical health.
Let’s break down each response.
Fight - The Slugger: When a stressful or traumatic event occurs, this person will become aggressive in words and actions or argumentative and irritable. It is the need to maintain control of the situation. This response tends to stem from having been in a relationship, either romantic or caregiver, where there was bullying and narcissistic rage. It also shows up if a caregiver didn’t set healthy limits and gave a child whatever he/she asked for.
Flight - The Runner: This person avoids conflict or any other situation that might bring up difficult or painful emotions, often ending relationships before the other person has the chance. A person in flight mode tends to be a perfectionist in all areas of their life so that no one can criticize or challenge them. They will often use hobbies, work, or substances in order to avoid feelings of fear, anxiety, and failure.
Freeze - The Fainter: If we’ve experienced deep trauma, especially in early childhood, the Freeze response is really a common defense mechanism because it’s one of the ways that the body instinctively protects itself. Not being able to identify any means of fighting back or fleeing, this person will mask their feelings in order to protect themselves. They’re often stuck and withdrawn and tend to prefer solitude.
Fawn - The Pleaser: Fawning is a trauma response, and it can also be activated by day to day stressors or chronic physical pain. A person in fawning mode, might think that it's safer to please other people than to be their authentic self. They have difficulty saying no and a tendency to avoid conflict. They over-apologize and will assume responsibility for other’s emotions. They withhold expressing their own opinions and desires out of fear of being ridiculed or mocked.
Do you recognize yourself in any of these stress response descriptions? It’s not uncommon to fluctuate from one mode to another depending on the circumstances or to find that you’re a hybrid of a couple of them. The simplest method of identifying your personal stress response is to think back to times of conflict and/or difficult, challenging situations. How did you respond? How did it feel in your body? How often do these feelings present themselves? Do you see a pattern?
All too often, stress is treated as "stress is stress is stress". Meaning, feeling anxious, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, exhausted, numb? Just relax! In a dysregulated state, our nervous systems will continue to cause turmoil in both our physical body and our psyche. Balance is the key to regulating and it is a lifelong commitment! Therefore, it is vital that you recognize your stress triggers and responses in order to begin the process of regulating and healing. There is no “one size fits all” solution to effective and long term stress management.
Fight and Flight may be the biggest culprits in terms of the adrenaline and cortisol dump as they are both fiery responses and typically need to assert control of a difficult or painful situation. One by raging and the other by fleeing. The need for aggression or escape drastically raises these hormones. The past triggers compounded with current environmental and social stressors make it difficult to turn off this response. It takes awareness and time spent in the rest and digest state for the body and mind to heal.
Serotonin - relax, restore, calm, balanced moods and emotions, quality sleep:
Hiking/Nature
Breathwork
Gut health––prebiotics and probiotics
Aromatherapy
Crafts, making/building with your hands
Friendships and laughter
Safe groups: being seen, heard, accepted, loved
Massage therapy
Gratitude journaling
Contemplation, meditation and reflection
Service, helping others
Rituals that help calm and center
Since Freeze mode is the body’s common survival defense mechanism, it is important to increase the flow of LIFE throughout our nervous system. Move, flow, dance, extend, stretch, explore! Get out of your comfort zone.
Dopamine - Reward, motivation, focus, attention, pleasure, movement:
Uphill hikes
Running––alternate between fast pace and Jogging
Breathwork
Move away from or lessen screen time
Lifting weights
Cooler showers and baths
Dancing
Meditation + visualizations
Try new experiences in healthy, safe ways
In Fawn mode, giving up your personal boundaries may have helped minimize abuse, but this response tends to linger, where it often drives codependency or people-pleasing tendencies.
You might agree to whatever is asked of you, even if you’d rather not and you’re left feeling as if you know very little about what you actually like or enjoy.
Oxytocin - Bonding, trust, love, empathy, connection:
Gratitude, appreciation, journaling
Vulnerability, safety,
Intimacy: hugs, cuddling, safe touch
Laughter with friends
Nurturing and nourishing self and others
Breath work
Social Connections that emphasize depth, love and acceptance
Random acts of kindness
Listening openly without judgment
Collaborating with like-minded individuals
For all four stress responses:
Be gentle, patient and understanding with yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
You’re learning something new and letting go of old beliefs that no longer serve you.
Be aware and curious.
Play, Dance, Sing, Laugh.
Go outside.
Trust.
Breathe!
I am not a therapist in any capacity. I am someone who has been on my own stress/trauma healing journey that has led me towards holistic health and wellness and life coaching. Through my training and experience, I have much to offer. My work is meant for those who are in a safe space in their mental, emotional and experiential journey. Together, we can explore your stress response and create a lasting plan that will help you maintain balance in your nervous system and homeostasis in your body. If you are struggling with identifying and processing trauma, current or past, please seek the help of a licensed mental health professional.
Nourish, Grow, Let Go ~ Body, Mind and Soul.
For more information on how my program may benefit you, click here to schedule your no obligation consultation https://bonnieblackstone.com or email me at bonnie@bonnieblackstone.com
Yours in Love, Balance and Blessings,
Coach Bonnie Blackstone
Credit and Acknowledgement for the material used in this article:
Danielle LaPorte, Heart-Centered Leader/Author/Philanthropist https://old.daniellelaporte.com/nourishsystem/
Pete Walker, M.A/MFT - Author, The 4Fs Typology In Complex PTSD http://pete.walker.com